I’ve heard many stories of people who were blessed with kids. Some of which were fascinating while others were heart-wrenching, but never could I fathom the stories of people who were blessed with kids who are specially abled.
It’s such a poignant journey and indeed, only those who are chosen and capably strong can walk on this journey. Indeed, you – amongst thousands of couples who go through this every day – deserve more than words of praise.
You might have heard of many awful things or insensitive words from people who do not walk your shoes but today, I would like to tell you some words that I know most of you may not hear every day but need to, nevertheless.
1) You are not alone.
Allah says in the Qur’an:
• Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see. [20:46]
• Indeed, I am near… [2:186]
• He is with you wherever you are. [Qur’an 57:4]
• Allah is with the Believers. [18:19]
• Don’t be sad; Indeed Allah is with us. [9:40]
I know, you might have read these verses thousands of times when you were looking for comfort, and I pray they have comforted you in ways you needed.
You also might want to go and find parents who also share the same situation like yours. Sometimes, it also helps us grow when we find people who go through the same challenges as we do because they can give us a great deal of support. It also gives you that notion that indeed, you are not alone in this.
2) You are not perfect and that is okay.
Every parent wants to give a perfect upbringing and orientation when it comes to his children and to have children who are frequent visitors of clinics and doctor appointments, I can only imagine the difficulty of this task.
So know that it’s okay for you to make mistakes. No one is perfect. We always believe in the Qadr of Allah. There are beautiful reasons behind the missed therapies. You do not need to put all the blame on yourself. You’ve been going through much. Calm yourself at times like this then move on.
3) Your decision may be painful but they are most needed.
Decision-making has never been this tough especially when it comes to the well being of your children. Indeed, there might be some decisions that you may have to make that might make you feel like you have done something incorrectly or might make you feel guilty especially when it involves your children.
So when it comes to your decision-making, put your heart at ease and remember this:
Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah. [3:159]
4) It is extra hard.
I have heard couples who consider not having a child just because of their fear of not being able to fulfill the rights of the child or fulfill the responsibilities that parents are given.
Indeed, it is hard to be a parent. It is a great responsibility that given by Allah to His Believers, but to be a parent of a specially-abled child is extra hard. You must be handpicked and truly loved by Allah to be given this blessing.
Extra should always be present – there should always be extra care, love, and understanding towards them; and that is why you should also know that there will be an extra reward for you from Allah.
5) Never compare.
Comparison comes from Shaytaan. It is only when you compare yourself from someone else that you open the doors of negativity to come inside your heart – which puts the disease and corrupts your heart.
You become ungrateful and you start to ask questions like “why my child? why me?” So never compare yourself or your situation from others. We all are tested in different ways, but we all have to keep in mind that these tests are blessings and blessings are also tests from Allah.
So endure these with patience and reliance upon Allah, at all times.
6) Trust your child.
You must have gone to so many therapies/therapy sessions and may have heard the same diagnosis quite a few times that they become like a recorded audio in your head.
But trust your child. Allah made your child as a blessing and never a burden for you. It is said that when we lose a child in pregnancy, the child awaits in Jannah and will ask Allah to reunite him/her on the Day of Judgement with his mother. So know that Allah has placed so much love in your child’s heart for you.
Trust that your child is also living the life and fighting his or her situation for you just as how you are doing everything for your child to live a normal life and to never feel different.
7) Don’t ever lose yourself.
No matter how the situation unfolds. Never lose yourself. You are needed by your child which makes giving up not an option for you. You are a parent. No one else gave you this but Allah. So know that Allah doesn’t give you something you cannot bear.
My beloved parent, I may not have the best words to comfort your affairs but Allah does. So know that Allah has promised His Believers hayaatan tayyibah (a good life).
The believers who are apparently going through suffering, Allah is giving them a feeling in their heart that could not be bought with the wealth of this dunya or anything near it.
Because of the difficulty, the believers go through and the patience they show, Allah gives them something in their hearts that cannot be described with words.
Your strength is indescribable. Know that not everyone has been shaped by Allah to be able to go through what you go through, not because you have a beautiful blessing of having a specially-abled child but because of the cruelty that the society gives you and makes you experience every day of your life.
I, amongst millions of people, salute you for the love you show and the patience you inspire in our hearts.
May Allah unite you and build you, together with your family, a palace in Jannah where you will harvest the seeds of patience you have sowed in this dunya. Amin.
-Umm Umar Khaled
British Islamic Nursery, in partnership with The Wilson Centre for Child Development and Rehabilitation, has developed an innovative, affordable, and inclusive programme for children that cannot be catered for in mainstream schools or nurseries called Inclusion Program for Special Needs.